I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
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