Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize