So drunk, too bad you don't want this
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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