3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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