so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
