Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
