I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
