DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
