you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
