I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
BRING THE BAGELS
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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