My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
