I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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