I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Randomize
