she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
