btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
