some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
These tits shall not be calmed
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