if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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