I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
