I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Randomize
