Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
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I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
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I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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