So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize