In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
