had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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