so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
