I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
