Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize
