Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
