i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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