Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
