Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
