You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
