im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
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went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
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Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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