Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
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