A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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