She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
