Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
