Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Randomize
