I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
