You work out of a Hotel?
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
