i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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