I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Randomize
