i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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