farters have to be the big spoon...
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
