You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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