There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
