this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
