So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
its not stalking. its research.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
