apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
