I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
