Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
