It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
