Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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