My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
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I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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