Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Boobs are out for the taking
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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