why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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