Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.