The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.