...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
stop calling my apartment porn island.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.