Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
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