thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
21 NSFW Facts About Famous Celebrities That Will Blow Your Mind
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
These Are 19 of the Most Horrible Strangers People Had to Sit Next to
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."