i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
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It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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