New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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