we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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