now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
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