I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
How's work?
Spinning.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I still have a little drunk in my system
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
