Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
