Jerry, you need to find god
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
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